Recovering from narcissistic abuse.

### Childhood and Early Years I was born in Lindome on January 5, 1967, to my mother, Lisa Rautanen, and father, Lauri Rautanen. My mother was born in Finland in 1939. She often shared stories about her childhood; her father was quite strict, and her mother seldom had time to play. Sometimes, Mother would sneak into the forest to play with pine cones and pretend they were bones. She often helped take care of her siblings and worked in the fields, harvesting hay and tending to animals. During Christian festivals, she would receive candy from my father, who obtained it from German soldiers. I remember her doing her homework at the kitchen table, but I didn't hear much about her father. My parents met through letters. My father was born in Viborg, which is now in Russia, in 1929 and passed away in 2001 in Spain. He had two tumors in his brain; they managed to remove one through surgery, but sadly, he died after the other was removed. When I received the call about his passing, I was g...

When people hear the word narcissism, they often picture men. Male narcissism has been studied, written about, and dramatized in movies countless times. But female narcissism is often overlooked or misunderstood—even though its impact on relationships, finances, and families can be just as destructive. This article isn’t here to help you diagnose yourself or someone else. True diagnosis should only be done by a qualified mental health professional. Instead, this piece is about building insight—recognizing patterns and understanding how female narcissism can show up differently than what we usually expect. --- What Is Narcissism? Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is defined by traits such as: A sense of superiority and entitlement Lack of empathy A constant need for admiration and validation Manipulative or exploitative behaviors Both men and women can display these patterns. But how they present often differs, especially in relationships. Female narcissists may lean more heavily ...

Do You Feel Like You’re Wasting Your Life? You’re Not Alone Have you ever felt a silent, gnawing fear that you’re wasting your life? No matter how busy you keep yourself—surrounded by people, chasing goals, ticking off obligations—deep down, something essential feels missing. You’re existing , not truly living . Maybe you call it anxiety. Maybe a doctor called it depression and prescribed pills to silence it. But the emptiness remains. And here’s the truth: Your suffering is not a mistake. It’s not just anxiety. It’s not just depression. It is a message —a call from the deepest part of you. Jungian Psychology: Your Pain Is Not Pathology, It’s a Calling Carl Gustav Jung, the pioneer of depth psychology, believed that what we call mental disorders are often not illnesses to be suppressed, but attempts by the psyche to heal itself. Your anxiety, sadness, and sense of emptiness are not enemies. They are warnings : Your life, as it is right now, does not serve your soul. Perhaps you’re stuc...

Sometimes, the deepest wounds are invisible, yet they shape every corner of our lives. Have you ever felt completely shattered—as if a part of you was ripped away? No matter how much time passes, the pain refuses to fade. If you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, you know this wound. It is subtle, corrosive, and often hidden beneath layers of confusion and self-doubt. It doesn’t just hurt on the surface—it infiltrates the core of who you are. Narcissistic abuse steals your trust, not just in others but in yourself. It warps your sense of reality, strips your confidence, and silences your voice. You begin to question everything: Was I really that insignificant? Did I imagine the abuse? Am I the problem here? This is the silent destruction of narcissism. Gaslighting—the hallmark of narcissistic behavior—rewires your mind to doubt your own experiences, to minimize your feelings, and to believe the lies you were told. Piece by piece, your identity erodes until you feel like a ghost of who ...

You can’t go back and change what happened. But you can stop repeating it. You can stop silencing yourself to keep the peace. You can stop chasing people who don’t see your worth. You can stop abandoning yourself when life gets hard. The inner child isn’t a weakness; they are the foundation of your truth—your sensitivity, creativity, and deepest joy. You don’t need to heal perfectly. You just need to be willing to listen. Because the moment you turn inward and say, “I see you, I hear you, I choose you”—that’s the moment you finally come home. Welcome home.

BEGIN HERE Carl Jung said: “Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.” Healing doesn’t mean blaming the past; it means becoming conscious of how it shaped you—so you can choose differently now. This is where re-parenting begins. 1. Speak to Yourself with Kindness Notice the way you talk to yourself. When you make a mistake, do you criticize or comfort yourself? When you’re tired, do you push through or allow yourself to rest? Most of us speak to ourselves in the voice of those who wounded us. Re-parenting means choosing a new voice—one of patience, truth, and compassion. 2. Give Yourself What You Needed Back Then If you need safety, build routines that feel safe. If you need love, practice self-compassion. If you needed freedom to play, let yourself laugh, create, and rest without guilt. Healing isn’t just about fixing pain—it’s about reclaiming joy. 3. Say the Words Your Younger Self Needed to Hear Sometimes healing is as simple as saying: > “I’m here now. I won’t aband...